Let's Talk About Sex

Well, I made it through the four books I wanted to finish by the end of the year.

The fourth book is clearly the most controversial of the group as it challenges us to rethink our views on Christianity and sexuality. The challenge comes from Miguel De La Torre in Lily Among the Thorns: Imagining a New Christian Sexuality. De La Torre's purpose is to provide an alternative view to the conservative view which makes sex, even sometimes within marriage, taboo, and the liberal view which says sex is private and if no one gets hurt then anything goes.

The book begins by discussing how patriarchial views of society and sexuality throughout the centuries have led to the domination of women by men. This transitioned into the move by colonizers to feminize people of color, and supporting it with scripture, providing the justification to dominate people of color.

He then goes on to explain that great sex is that which exists between two consenting adults in a familial relationship, familial being a relationship of mutual giving and vulnerability. Familial is a relationship that is free of patriarchy and full of justice.

He chooses the word familial based on the fact that not all marital sexual relations are healthy, due to the power one partner holds over the other, and on his assertion that the Bible does not explicitly limit sex to marriage. (see Song of Songs) In fact, he asserts, if we look to the Bible for what it says about issues of sex and stories in which God is silent, the Bible gives a most "untraditional" and disturbing picture of sex and marriage.

To De La Torre, great sex is found in familial relationships of mutual giving and vulnerabilty in which each partner has equal power and freedom in a monogamous, non-extramarital context. These relationships result in the Hebrew concepts of shalom "that denotes peace, solidarity, well-being, and wholeness" and shelmut connoting completeness. The result is "a harmonius completeness" between lovers. This shalom and shelmut between lovers can then go on to instruct us on how to love others in ways that lead to justice.

The second half of the book then focuses what it takes to have orthoeros in one's life. Orthoeros is a term coined by De La Torre meaning correct erotic sex. He coins this term to focus on the need for justice in sexual relationships. Views on sex and sexual practices feed into political ideology and theology, thus playing a role in whether or not there is justice in the world.

This is a book that will most likely challenge much of what we think about sex. It will require many to rethink their views on scripture to deal with some of the troubling sexual stories we find in the canon. It challenges us to rethink if marriage is the only time people should be lovers, though the way De La Torre lays out familial relationships makes one think such a relationship is a precursor to marriage. It will also challenge the reader to rethink their views on homosexuality. Most importantly, the book demonstrates how sex is more than a private matter. It is part of a much larger picture of justice and the gospel of Christ.

With origins in a conservative Christian tradition, this book is an uncomfortable read as it is suggesting a complete paradigm shift in how we think about sex. It is brief, yet comprehensive, and makes some of the clearest arguments on the subject matter I have seen. It is a thoughtful, yet controversial book, and I urge you to challenge yourself by giving it a read.